Musings

A Few Thoughts On Writing

2010-03-31T15:59:00.000-07:00

Seems like I am only using this blog to write about dreams and then figure out what they're all about. So this entry is my attempt to get away from the dream theme, although I've had some real doozies this past week or two.

I actually have another blog called Midlife Woman 2 Woman on word press. My problem with blogging is that I get inspired, start one up, then chicken out and don't continue with them, that is, except the one I write at the Tucson Citizen website. It's called Jump Write In and I have even fizzled out on that except once a week or so. So what is it about blogging that scares me so much. Maybe it's the fact that I don't know how many people will read it and judge me. Maybe it's just like every other writing project I've ever done, I start but never finish. My file drawers are full of short stories. Add to them the many essays and old writing assignments from college, all of which I saved with "someday" attached to them. Someday I'm going to refine this, publish this, send this in to a magazine, and god knows what else I was thinking at the time I stuffed it into the drawer or box.

The honest to god truth is, I don't care about publishing. I write for the sake of writing. I don't have dreams of "being famous" someday. I just know that by writing it down, I feel better. By writing short stories about my adventures as a young teen growing up in Southern California, I feel better about it all. My daughter recently wrote a poem in which she tells the reader that "your memories are not mine and I will miss them." I think by writing down my childhood, both happy and unpleasant things, I let them go, I can move on, I can process things and forgive myself and others and by forgiving, I move on.

I think this is why I ended up so interested and getting certifications in the field of writing and healing (poetry therapy to be exact). I always wanted to tell others about how therapeutic writing is. When I was working on my first undergrad degree, I minored in psychology and told one instructor I wanted to combine writing and psychology and become a counselor. He steered me toward clinical psych and all the other mental health professions most of which, at that time, had nothing to do with the use of writing as part of therapy.

Nowadays though, the field of writing and healing is marketable, it's becoming better known and acknowledged as a viable adjunct to therapy. We have people like James Pennebaker, Kathleen Adams, Tristine Rainer and Annais Nin to thank for that.

So here I am, 20 some odd years later, telling you, dear reader, right now, in this moment, writing can help you heal your life. All you have to do is write, and it's probably more honest if you do it without an audience in mind. Write as if it's not going to be published, let it become your voice in the wilderness, then later, if you feel like publishing, craft your essay, poem or short story to readability for an audience.

So for now, pick up your pen, open your journal and write.

Elusive Coral

2010-02-02T02:42:00.000-08:00

Had a dream this morning that woke me up at 2:00 a.m. In my dream I am in a house with my sister and my daughter. There is a pile of laundry to be folded. My cats are scampering about and as I look at them, I see a coral snake in a corner of the room. I tell my sister but she ignores me. I am doubting my eyesight so try to get closer to the snake. I know it's dangerous but everytime I start to get close enough to try and identify it to make sure it is a coral snake, the more it eludes me. It seems I cannot fold the laundry or go about any of my ordinary tasks as long as the snake is there. I want to protect my cats, I want to relax and feel safe in the house but cannot as long as I know the snake can strike at any moment.

I've mentioned in previous blogs about the symbolism of the shedding snake. This snake was elusive and dangerous. Though beautiful in color to attract the unsuspecting, the bite is twice as powerful as the rattle snake. When I looked up the coral snake online, I found out that the coral snake is secretive and spends most of its life under rocks or buried in the soil. The venom causes rapid paralysis and respiratory failure. It's interesting that I dreamed about one being elusive and secretive without having any knowledge of that fact until now. I have to wonder now if there are secrets in my life or my family that want to be exposed more clearly.

In the dream, the bright colors of the coral snake were dulled to my senses somehow. I knew there was the potential for danger and warned others to no avail. I felt both fear and awe as I tried to get closer to the snake to make sure it was the dangerous coral and not a king snake. I could not remember the rule about the oder of the color bands to determine which kind of snake I was dealing with. Perhaps I vaguely know something is coming, but have not yet seen the full picture. Is there something that continues to elude me the more I attempt clarity? These are questions I will be thinking about as I ponder this dream a little further.

What, dear reader, is eluding you? Is there something in your life that, perhaps you've had a gimpse of but, somehow you cannot seem to bring it into focus?

Blogging Is Now A Way Of Life

2009-08-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

Blogging is now a way of life for me. I not only have this blog but two others posted on the website for the Tucson Citizen newspaper(www.tucsoncitizen.com). I invite you to check them out once in a while. One is called Jump Write In, a blog for writers about writing. The other is an advice blog called Ask Rita. Both are doing well. I use this blog more for random thoughts and inspirational ideas that hit me once in awhile. I am considering publishing my thesis on this blog but haven't quite decided yet.

The Peace of Wild Things

2009-06-15T12:23:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the poem called the "Peace of Wild Things" by Wendell Berry. I was sitting at my table this morning, observing the two little chipmunks harvesting the pods from our Palo Verde tree, and I saw movement under another bush close by. It was a pair of Flickers (members of the woodpecker family) of some kind. You can always tell a flicker by the black shield on its chest. They were poking their beaks into the ground, no doubt to make a breakfast out of the local ant colony. Simultaneously, an Inca Dove was preening herself under the same tree. While I continued to enjoy and ponder these goings on, between the dove and the flicker, I saw another movement. Thinking at first it was another dove low to the ground, as it raised up, I saw that it was lizard emerging from its hole in the ground. I don't know that much about the lizards of the region yet, but it looked like a miniature iguana. It was quite long once it emerged from it's hole. The dove kept preening, the flickers kept eating, the lizard sat mesmerized like a statue in a garden, and the chipmunks came down the tree to inch their way toward the birds and the lizard. I felt so privileged to be an observer in this demonstration of the "peace of wild things". Eventually they all went their separate ways, not really lingering long except in my memory. It encourages me to see the peace between species. I feel hopeful that one day, humankind will be able to accomplish the same thing.

Twilight and Empty Vans

2009-02-01T00:30:00.000-08:00

I had a dream a week or so ago in which I am in a van and it pulls up somewhere and I get out. I am talking to someone and the van begins to drive away. I have missed the opportunity to get back in. The odd thing is, the van is driving itself. This was perhaps fed by having watched a twilight zone episode before bedtime about an airplane that shows up and lands but there is no one inside to fly it, nor were there any passengers. Just goes to show how much TV can affect the dream time eh? Anyway, I am now running after the van as it drives on a curvy road high up on a mountain. Then suddenly, the van is now driving on a rock wall, driving on the edge so to speak. A very dangerous place to be but the back doors are open, inviting me to catch up, grab on and jump aboard. In my dream, I know it is safer to be in the van than outside of it. I could have stayed where I was and not chased it at all but life would be pretty boring if I had done that. I wake up just as I begin to reach out for the door of the Van.

In my dream, no one else is in the Van and yet, I want to catch it and hold on for the ride, without any destination in mind and not knowing where the next turn in the road is. Such is life I guess, with it's twists and turns. We can stay put where we are, not making any effort to go after our dreams, or we can run alongside, grab on tightly, and see where it takes us.

Maybe it all has to do with faith. Sometimes we make important life-changing decisions, knowing what we want the outcome to be, but not sure if we can grab onto,(or even if we need to grab onto) it tightly enough to hold on. That's where faith comes into play. When one takes the plunge into the void of the unknown, into a free fall of sorts. And then, without being able to see the bottom, decide to enjoy the journey along the way, (happiness is a choice you know) you can have some amazing experiences that you never thought were possible.

So go ahead, visualize it, put your intention out there and take the plunge. You may be surprised what happens. I know I sure was.

The Story of Gretchen

2009-01-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked me last summer to submit some writing to her website called Wisdom Commons. I chose the word "boldness" about which to write. Following is part of the story I submitted.

Sitting at my mother’s window one Christmas, I watched mom throw a handful of seed on the ground for the covey of quail huddled in the trees about a hundred yards away. Eventually they ventured out in a single line from the trees and began pecking away at the ground, grateful, I am sure, for the sustenance during the very chilly snowy mornings.

But quail are skittish birds and at the slightest hint of movement or noise, they flurry back to the safety of the small grove of pine. The sound of their wings made low whirring sounds in unity which I could hear even through the closed window.

As I watched, there was one quail, who remained behind and kept eating after the rest had flurried off in fear. Every day, this little ritual would occur, and every day, I watched Gretchen, as I came to call her, remain behind and continue eating. I suddenly became aware of how many people get so deeply swept up into the group-think mentality and run because everyone runs, that they rob themselves of the blessings in store if they were just bold enough to remain and face their fear and risk not thinking like everyone else.

I learned a lot from Gretchen that week as day after day, her boldness paid off. She got more to eat than the others, and she conserved her energy by not flurrying off.

Can you, dear reader, be bold enough to take a stand and actually think for yourself? Being bold and taking a stand means having the willingness to let go of the need for approval from others. It means doing what is right for one's self regardless of who may disagree with you. It means allowing others to be responsible for their own reactions and being able to say, "It is not my fault if you choose to reject me because I have chosen to let go of fear and live an abundant life. I am the only one responsible for my choices and my actions."

My favorite poem of all time is Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Less Travelled". The last verse has become my mantra of sorts: "I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence, two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. I place the emphasis on the word "THAT". It was THAT choice which has made all the difference in my life.

I am so grateful for Gretchen and the lessons she taught me, and for reminding me of the principles I choose to live by. I call Gretchen bold. She dared to be different and stand alone when she needed to. Bold means to live life to the fullest and not give power to the fear in your life.

Now don't get me wrong, there is healthy fear too. I am talking about fearfulness of the unknown tomorrow, fearfulness of not getting approval, fearfulness that inundates us with excuses about why we can't fully LIVE in the moments.

Let it go and take a step forward. You might surprise yourself.

Hope and the owl

2009-01-14T03:16:00.000-08:00

During the full moon in October and November, I was awakened by an owl perched on the roof above my bedroom window, hoohooting to let me know he was watching over me. I felt honored that such a revered bird would choose my home on which to rest. Of course, the cats went nuts when they heard it. They have no idea that friend owl is one of the reasons they are now kept as indoor cats. All they know is that instinct is a very strong thing and the noise heralds potential prey for them. Both months that owl came to rest, she (or he) came three nights in a row. On the third night in November, I had actually quietly opened my window to hear the sound clearly and distinctly. My cat Guido, sat on the window sill beside my head as I rested it on my hands and we listened together in silence. Then with a very quiet swoosh, friend owl glided away into the night. I watched the silhouette rise higher against the light of the moon then disappear altogether as it took a turn from east to north in it's search for a midnight snack.

I found myself wondering tonight, what happened to the owl. It has not come for two months now, and I can't help but believe it's mission was accomplished. It brought me a message of hope. Even in the darkness there is light to guide my way. All I have to do is jump and the wings of hope will carry me beyond my wildest dreams.

What are your hopes and dreams? I hope for love in my life, continued health, joy and prosperity for my children (all grown with families of their own now). I hope for a cure for cancer, and HIV and other diseases that force their victims hopeless and helpless. I hope for no more war, and that people will believe in themselves and their communities, and that each one of us can make a difference in the lives we touch if we only practice kindness more.

There have been times in my life when I've felt hopeless and alone; a desert solitaire as Edward Abby so aptly put it in his book title. But this new change coming in my life, which I had written about in my first blog, brings a renewed sense and meaning of the old adage (perhaps not so old) "think globally, act locally". I think that hope and change can happen as I (we) allow ourselves to open up and love others unconditionally, get out of our comfort zone a little, make an effort to change our perspectives about life, give ourselves permission to hope for better understanding of ourselves, and the world in which we live. Let's make the world a better place, one person at a time. I'm willing to try, are you? My prayer for you, dear reader, is that this coming year brings you to a place of peace within yourself and that you may be the change you wish to see in the world.

My friend In-Som-Nee-Ya

2009-01-02T22:16:00.000-08:00

I am exhausted tonight but sleep eludes me. This past week has been filled to the brim with emotions, mostly wonderful, and positive as my heart has begun to open like a lotus flower. Then enter my friend In-Som-Nee-Ya. She loves to confuse me, embrace me and race through my mind like a hound after the rabbit; relentless in pursuit until it finally either catches and kills the rabbit, or dies trying. I am reminded of a time when my friend In-som-nee-ya took a night off and I had a dream about a red bone hound. Actually I think there were two or three of them in the dream. It was the kind of dream that stayed with me a couple of days, maybe to make up for the times when I couldn't sleep.

Speaking of dreams, I have been dreaming a lot lately, but am losing the ability to remember the details of them long enough to record them in my journal. And the more I try to put my friend ISNY to rest, the more she digs in her heals and parties all night in my head. What if this, and what if that, and yada yada yada. Then I hear the coyotes yapping and it sounds like they are just outside the fence over in the neighbors yard. My cats jump up in the window to get a closer look to see if they can tease and cajole the coyotes to come. Almost daring them to come closer. I open the window to hear the coyotes calling a little more clearly, then I cough a little and there is sudden silence. Now why can't I just cough a little and In-Som-Nee-Ya would get the message and quiet down. I have tried sleepy time tea, Tylenol PM, meditation and deep breathing. She doesn't visit as often as she used to, but enough to drive me batty sometimes. Most of the time now, I sleep well. The quiet country atmosphere is a wonderful reminder of childhood days in the San Pasqual Valley, where I would ride my horse on a full moon night, sagebrush crackling underfoot, and all was well with my world. I guess it wouldn't all be so bad if I could just grab my pen and start writing poetry like I used to, but the muse is not there anymore and hasn't been for awhile. Oh but wait, I am writing this blog so I guess that last statement is false. :-)

Out with the Old

2008-12-31T16:17:00.001-08:00

Snake. The magic of snake. I have been thinking about the end of another year and the symbolic shedding of the old skin. I have had three different snake dreams in a month. One of them had a rattlesnake in it, the other two had a Burmese python though I have never seen one up close. I guess the image comes from having seen one on Animal Cops. So what does it all mean? With a new year approaching I think the dreams have had something to do with major changes occurring. A snake sheds skin and while in the process of doing so, can't see much at all, just like I have no idea what tomorrow or the next year will bring, my intention is to live it with gratitude and kindness toward others.

I have had other snake dreams to remember. In one, I was in a cave with a sandy floor and there were a couple of snakes making Celtic knot patterns in the sand. The interesting thing about all of my snake dreams is that I am not afraid of anything but rather, welcoming the images with anticipation and awe. After that one, I left the state I had been living in for 35 years and moved to a place where I didn't know anyone. That was a year and a half ago. What an adventure it's been.

So, I approach the new year with the intention of shedding any fear that has been holding me back and initiating the growth of my new skin, a skin that fits better. More wisdom from my dream life, more gratitude in the beautiful sunrises and sunsets over the Arizona sky. More wind in my hair and joy in the moments. I welcome snake when it enters my dreams because I know there are big changes afoot. Sometimes they are difficult but I always come out a better person and more focused on who and what I am becoming - more open, more loving, more authentic, and more alive.